One of the last times that we saw each other it was at a party you had invited me to. I wasn’t going to go because, in my mind, all the cool kids were going to be there and I am painfully awkward. But later that night, around 10-ish, I finished working out and slick with sweat and high off of endorphins I called you to ask if it was ok if I dropped by.
You said yes so enthusiastically that I didn’t even go home to get changed.
I showed up in a cut off tee over a tank top that was sticking to my body and a pair of loose fitting sweatpants over my workout spandex with an old pair of Converse. I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to find the address and did get lost because Google Maps don’t know shit. I called you again and you directed me to the house and then stood on the front porch even though it was freezing cold and waited for me to pull up.
Socially awkward as ever I barely left your side and although I said I would not drink, I had a few sips here and there, but stopped hours before I knew I’d have to drive home. You wanted me to stay the night simply so I would stay longer, but I said I couldn’t.
When it was time for me to go, you walked me to my car. You had been drinking the entire night along with everyone else and your natural happiness was intensified. You wouldn’t let me clean my car off, insisting that you do it for me.
Truth be told, you were a little drunk and I could barely see out of my back window. You had cleared a small patch and nothing else, but you did manage to wipe the snow off of most of my car. But you had done this act from such a place of kindness, helpfulness, and were so sweet about it I didn’t have it in me to take the snow brush from you and finish the job. Instead I drove away and peaking out of that little cleared circle, watched you wave at me happily as I drove away.
You made me feel like I was going on a magical, once in a lifetime cruise with the send off you gave me that night.
I had the biggest, stupidest grin on my face as I drove away.
Now that you’re gone, I wish I hadn’t drove away.